


The only reason

by crying_lestat



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Alternate Universe, Episode Related, Home, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-26 21:06:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2666387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crying_lestat/pseuds/crying_lestat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Post-ep "Home". Hayes is alive and tries to get closer to Reed, for only one reason.<br/>(Unbeta-d. A lot of horrid mistakes are waiting for you)<br/><a href="http://cryinglestat.deviantart.com/art/One-reason-496559458">One reason</a> by <span class="username-with-symbol u"><a class="u regular username" href="http://cryinglestat.deviantart.com/">cryinglestat</a><span class="user-symbol regular"></span></span> on <a href="http://www.deviantart.com">deviantART</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	The only reason

The old lighthouse towered on the island, so he easily found it. It was two weeks since 'Enterprise" made her way home from the Expance, all meetings with press, everything were done now, and crew went to it's own business. And since he was still on medical leave, he decided to find one particular lieutenant, who disappeared just in no time after all official events ended. It was hard, but he was, and still is MACO, after all. He couldn't find any reason to come here, aside from his own one reason, but he should explain his coming, and the only one thing that came to his mind was 'no-one should be alone'. It was true, actually, and he himself can't stand the thought of being alone now. But then again, lieutenant was different type of character, and maybe he needed this. Then again, maybe not. Maybe it was his old habit, to isolate himself from others. He shivered at the icy wind, and moved towards the lighthouse.

  
"I never thought i see you again!" He knew this voice. Malcolm Reed was shouting at him from the hill, "What are you doing here, major?!" He chuckled then shouted himself, "I came for you, like it or not! I don't care!" Reed answered "I don't like it! Major, the storm is coming! You should be going!" Then he heard flood of swearings and Reed shouted again, "You are terribly annoying, major! Get your sorry ass here, storm front is too close to the coast, you never make it in time!" He shook his head. He was right after all, to come here right before the storm, the only opportunity to see Reed, and only because lieutenant still cared about people. Annoying or not, he must talk to Reed.  
"How did you found me, major? And, what is most important, why did you do this? I wanted to be alone, and i mean it." Reed was looking tired, like he was having a couple of sleepless nights, he was unshaven, his hair, usually neatly combed, was a spiky mess, with few errant strands hanging to his eyes, his hands were covered in oil and grease, so was his hooded longsleeve and worn-out jeans. "Stop staring. If you are here, you could help me, at least. That damn boat." No 'hello', nothing, like it wasn't almost two weeks since their last talk. As if Reed expected him, which was obviously nonsence. "What?" asked Hayes at last. Reed just snorted. "The boat. I'm trying to repair her, but the engine is as dead as it could be. Or it's just me. Look, i haven't slept in bed for three days from now on, i'm deadly tired, and i'm not in the mood for guests." He sat on the wooden stool, wiping his hands. "Jeremy, kettle is there, water in the big bottle near the counter. Tea and coffee in the shelf above the stove. You could be a little help at least." Definitely not in the mood, thought Hayes, digging in the said shelf. Something fell out, and Reed startled at the sound, wide eyes with terrified look. "Shit", he sweared, "Jeremy, can you be a bit careful? God damn it!" he sweared again and stood up, "Sit down. I am terrible host. I am really sorry." He took steaming kettle from Hayes and set it on the counter, "Sit down, please, i make coffee, i know, you don't like tea." They sat in silence, Reed stirred his drink, watching it swirling. "Listen, lieutenant..." started Hayes, but Reed interrupted him, "We're not on the ship. You may call me Malcolm." Hayes looked at him over his own cup a bit surprised. "Okay, Malcolm. Why you ran away?" Reed snorted. "None of your business. I needed to be alone. The rest is not for you." Hayes caught his hand. "Said the man who almost cried at my near-deathbed, uh-huh. Romero said you were like a ghost back there, when you came to them, and i tend to believe him. We have eyes, Malcolm, we are MACO." Reed tried to twist his hand free, "Why do you care of my reactions? Why you came here? I'm perfectly well, without you! You know what? Storm is here, so you'll wait until it ends and then you'll leave. Immediately." Hayes let go his hand. "All right. If it's what you want. At least i saw you. I wanted to tell you that i won't be assigned to 'Enterprise' anymore, there will be only part of my squad. I'm leaving, Malcolm. And i came here to say 'Goodbye' to my friend. At least, i hoped to do this." Reed's face suddenly softened, and he looked an Hayes clearly not believing the said words. "I'm sorry, Jeremy. I thought... I hoped we will work together... But considering my luck, everything is just as it should be. I'm sorry."

  
Storm was raging the whole night, banging at the windows and howling with the wind. He woke up from some weird dream. "That was bad", he thought, walking to the ground floor. To his surprise, Reed sat there, with a glass in his hands. He looked even worse than he was at day. "Hey", he said, "Can't sleep too? It's the storm." It definitely wasn't. "For how long you've been drinking, Malcolm?" Reed didn't turn to him, just kept staring to his glass. "A week, maybe. I can't sleep. I tried, but failed. This... helps a bit. Not much though. Wanna know why i ran away? I needed something to do, something that doesn't have anything in common with 'Enterprise', with any of it. We all have lost so much. But it's not just that. And i thought there... Yes, Romero was right. Though i wished i was a ghost, or i have no heart, or i... I thought i lost you. Don't mind me, i'm drunk and most likely i won't remember this in the morning." Hayes rubbed his eyes, ran his hand through his hair. "And Jeremy... I left because i see a lot more than a friend in you". That's it. "And i can't sleep because it's the same every night. I see you die. Every night. I see you now and i think this is a dream." Hayes came close to Reed and wrapped his arms around Reed's shoulders, feeling as they stiffened. "I'm not a dream, Malcolm. I'm here." he pulled Reed up and gently turned to face him. "I'm not dead, and you know it." He kissed his closed eyes, felt Malcolm's body relaxing in his embrace. He felt slight trembling, and then Reed hung limp in his hands. "Oh, jeez...".  
He dragged Malcolm upstairs, into his room. Reed was obviously too drunk and haven't eat anything, that's why he blackened out. "Malcolm... Mal, wake up. Mal..." Reed opened one eye, said "Don't call me Mal" and outed again. "Oh, damn." Double bed is good, since he wasn't intended to leave Reed alone. Hayes guessed, this room belonged to Malcolm's parents before. "Good night, Mal". He kissed Malcolm's hair and draped blanket over them. "We'll talk in the morning. Sleep well."

  
Rain was pouring down. He heard this sound. Only now he understood how he missed this. Earth, sea, storm, rain. For eight months he was deprived of this, and deprived of simple human feelings. Now his feelings in the shape of one lieutenant Malcolm Reed were sleeping beside him, curled into a ball. Reed looked so peaceful in his sleep, and it occured to Hayes, that Malcolm probably hadn't slept without nightmares for a very long time. He sighed and removed one of loose strands from Malcolm's forehead. Reed suddenly uncurled and rolled onto his back, but didn't wake. He murmured something almost inaudible, merely a breath, and smiled. Hayes smiled involuntary in response and walked downstairs.  
When Malcolm at last decided to wake up, it was already two p.m. and the rain kept pouring. "Morning, Jeremy. Or day, in my case", he walked in, rubbing his eyes and face, "Jeez, i'm overslept. There's rain. Damn. And i was hoping to work with that damn engine." Hayes looked at him suspiciously. "Malcolm, you need to eat at first. Then wash. And shave. Haven't you saw yourself?" Reed snorted in disgust. "I saw myself, thank you. Oh..." He stared at the steaming cup of coffee and a plate with toasts and scrambled eggs. "You need to eat, Malcolm. It's not much, but there was nothing more than this." Malcolm scratched his head. "Uh-huh. I wasn't in town for a week. Thank you. It's nice." Hayes poured himself coffee and sat on a counter, "Look, Mal, i can go to town, buy you food and stuff you need, and then i'll leave. Kay?" Reed almost chocked, "Why thank you. And... Jeremy, what i have said yesterday... You don't have to leave, really. I'm sorry, i wasn't, well, myself. Only if you ought to leave, other - stay, please." Hayes smiled, "I'll stay. I have plenty of time, actually." Reed nodded and pointed to Jeremy with his fork, "One thing i still want to know. MACO or not, this place isn't easy to find. So tell me, how exactly you found me?" Hayes looked away, and Malcolm followed his gaze, "Tell me. You've contacted my parents? Or whom?" "It was Madeline, actually. I've asked her. Told her i want to find you." Now it was Malcolm's turn to look suspiciously. "And she told you about this place? What have exactly you told her? Because i know Maddie, and she will never tell anything to anyone without a really good reason. So, what have you told her?" Hayes blushed, "It doesn't matter, Mal. But it was good reason, believe me." Reed chuckled. "It should be."

  
They weren't talking about this since that day. They've spent a lot of time repairing the boat, the engine was damaged, but repairable, and Malcolm worked for the whole days, making breaks to eat. On the fourth day engine came to life, it choked, coughed and finally roared at the full force. "Jeremy! Major, come here! It's alive!", and he laughed out loud, when he saw the look on the Hayes' face. "Hey, come on, we're going to sail!" And Hayes stood there, hands on hips, and he was smiling at Reed. "Okay, Mal. Wait a sec, i'm soon."  
"So, we'll go around the island, then into open water, then we'll dock in town, land, buy everything we need, and then we'll go back home. How's to you?" Jeremy nodded. He was mesmerized by how Malcolm looked at the wheel, wind in his hair, bright smile, so perfectly happy with what he's doing, and then Jeremy realised that he never saw Reed that happy. Or happy at all, as to be honest. And now he was seeing him with different eyes, and that stricken him even more. They've made their way as Malcolm wanted, bought food in town, walked there - Hayes never saw any of these small towns, and he was charmed by it's calm. They came back home almost at night, and Malcolm was almost shimmering with happiness. "I'm glad she made it. I love this girl", he referred to a boat. And Jeremy asked him one thing he was curious. "Why did you call her 'Stern', hm? It's kinda strange." This question made Reed laugh again. "Oh, Jeez... It's german word, pronounced as "shtern". It means 'Star'." He patted white board, "Have rest, girl. Come on, major, go home,it's getting cold."  
They sat near a fireplace, drinking, watching dancing fire. Malcolm's eyes were shining with excitement, he was telling stories about the boat, and the lighthouse, and some of his youth, and Jeremy just watched him, the man he was never expected to be in love with. "Mal... Malcolm. I need to tell you something." Reed looked at him, smiling, "What's that?". Hayes sat on the floor next to Malcolm and placed his arms on Reed's knees. "I told you it was your sister, who told me about this place. You wanted to know what i said to her, the reason why she told me. I..." Reed took Jeremy's chin and raised his head a bit, to look him right in the eyes. He said nothing, just looked. "I told her, that no-one should be alone... Especially... the man i love. I told her, that i love you. And this is true, Mal. I do." Reed blinked few times in disbelief, then suddenly slid off his chair to the floor, wrapped his arms around Jeremy's neck and kissed him.  
Despite all of this so sudden and welcomed, they somehow managed to wait a little longer with the rest, they just kissed and cuddled, and caressed each other until they fell asleep. Malcolm said, that sex was never an issue for him, but there were one-night stands, and nothing more, and that he wants to make it different with the man he loves, and Jeremy agreed to that, after all, they have plenty of time, so they doesn't have to rush. Their lives have changed a lot, and even more in these five days. He waited for eight months, he can wait a little longer. He wanted to tell Malcolm about his feelings back then in Expanse, but it wasn't time nor place for this, and he wasn't sure abouth the whole idea. Although he was sure about himself, he couldn't say this about Malcolm, so he decided not to risk. Until it became almost too late. Now, just to sleep with Malcolm in his arms was already more than he has anticipated.  
Malcolm did not tossed and turned, he simply woke up with a sharp gasp and eyes wide open, full of sheer terror. He stared for some time into pitch-black darkness or the room, breathing heavy, then pressed his hands to his eyes, "Oh, god..." Jeremy stirred next to him, half-awaken, caught his hand, "Is a'right, Mal, 'm here, c'mere." Reed struggled to retrieve his hand at first, then surrended anl let Jeremy hug him. His voice was shaken and weak, when he started to talk. "Nothing is al'right. I thought, i can handle this. But i can't. It keeps haunting me. I wans't scared back there, not even at 'Seleya', not even when 'Enterprise' was almost torn apart, you know, i wasn't. But there, in sickbay, i was scared to death, when i saw you... I thought you're dead. I don't know, how i managed that. I think, i understood vulcans there. I felt nothing after... i saw your life signs went flat. Absolutely nothing. And... when we've been transported back, and when after all that Liz told me you're alive... I lived through Trip's coma, through captain "death", twice, through all losses and grief. But you..." He went silent. Jeremy reached in the darkness to kiss him and felt tears. "Mal... I'm here", he could only manage, and hugged Reed closer. "Don't leave..." Merely a whisper. "I won't, Mal, i'll stay with you", he replied. "No... Not me, i'll live if you go... Don't leave this world". And this was the scariest part, because he couldn't imagine that this is even possible.

  
Nightmares became constant part of their lives. They weren't often, but they plagued them both nevertheless. Like days, some sunny and bright, and some rainy, so were their nights. Spending them in each other embrace also became constant, doesn't matter was it of passion or fear. They seldom talked about what they feel, it was clear from all other things. To touch, to hold, to understand even without words. Sometimes Jeremy wanted to shout to the sky about how he feels, when his love overflown him, sometimes he just wondered, how he got himself into this little monster called Malcolm Reed, but he was sure, Malcolm felt the same. He wished to cast off these nightmares, but he wasn't able to do this. He hoped, time will heal them both. They also never talked about what comes next, after their vacation ends. It was clear to Jeremy that Reed won't leave 'Enterprise', and he himself wasn't into return to the ship. He decided to talk later about this. He wanted their scars to heal a bit more before this talk.  
"We are here for three months now, love". They've spent their vacation on this island, sailing, repairing the lighthouse itself, walking in town, and they've forgot to care about outer world that surrounded them. For Malcolm his world was 'Enterprise', this island and, Jeremy hoped, their love, like it was for himself. "Yup, Mal. I know. It means, you should've return to San Francisco. Listen, i didn't want to talk about it, but... i want to know. Though i already know your answer, i wanna ask. Do you ever thought about retirement? We could live together, here, on Earth, or at Luna base, at Jupiter station even." Malcolm looked at him, eyes smiling. "Jeremy, do understand me. I love you. But 'Enterprise' is my life. Despite everything i lived through, she's my life. And i'm not ready to give it up." They both sat on a 'Stern' deck, watching the sky. "I knew this, Mal. I do understand. I know you now." Reed frowned for a second, watching his lover, then laughed. "We still have time, major. A month at the least, and it means, i won't let you go anywhere until my departure. San Francisco or not." Jeremy laughed too and pulled his lover closer. A month more is good.  
***  
"Armory is ready, sir. I hope that MACO squad will be cooperative." Reed wasn't happy with new MACOs addition, he really could do without ten more people lurking within his department. He sighed. Last two weeks he spent on the ship, cheking, making test runs and other stuff. MACOs wasn't onboard yet. And he hadn't saw Jeremy for these two weeks, he was at Luna training base, Reed did not know for what purpose. Maybe he was instructing said new squad. His personal terminal blinked with incoming message. List of MACO's personnel, assigned to 'Enterprise'. He decided to check it later. Lieutenant rubbed his eyes. He wasn't tired, quite on contrary, he was restless, and thoughts were running around in his head. A lot of "what if's" and more of other grim stuff. He should've at least consider the possibility of retirement. Weapon designs, defence systems, anything like this would do. But he knew better, he couldn't live without 'Enterprise', and Jeremy accepted his choice without arguing or trying to convince him into retirement. Comm chirruped, dragging him out of his ruminations. It's captain. "Lieutenant, there's MACO squad CO, he wants to talk to you", and Reed heard plain amusement in captain's voice. Now that is interesting. He paced through armory back and forth, waiting for this MACO to come. Too agitated, he turned away from the main doors, and in spit second he heard them swoosh open. Soft chuckle and "Permission to come aboard, lieutenant?" Reed exhaled and laughed. "Permission granted, major. Welcome home, love"


End file.
